Jordan’s Power Rankings – Week 13

A few things got sorted out in week 12. The team most likely to make the playoffs based on current position and recent performance is Northboro. Northboro snapped a four game losing streak with a vengeance against Rocky Brook, scoring 91 points and piling up 90 more from the bench. The underlying story, though, is that the Steroids are starting to find fillers for the holes in their lineup. Stephen Jackson may get better some day. Larry Johnson has emerged as a decent option, although he has yet to score a touchdown. Darren McFadden scored two touchdowns last week. Week 12 waiver guy Patrick Hillis scored a touchdown and got yards against a weak Oakland club. Northboro is now second in the Nelson in Game Points, which is the playoff tie-breaker. The Steroids need one win to get in. Unfortunately, they are trailing Tony by 53 points after Thankgiving.

The next two teams on the Most Likely to succeed list are Georgia and Rocky Brook. Both these teams have six wins. If either wins another game, two teams from the 5-7 group would have to win both their remaining games and beat them in Game Points. John is third in the league in Game Points, but he faces Dangerous Minds this week. Assuming Mr. Rabbit’s Foot does his usual thing, John has one game left, against Northboro. That game could be for a playoff berth.

Rocky Brook has six wins, and got a gigantic first half from Chris Johnson against the hapless Lions to open Week 13. They are sixth in the league in Game Points, though, so they are vulnerable to a tie-break hosing.

Midwest lost to Dangerous Minds last week, but scored 70 points in the effort – the third week in a row that they have met or surpassed that impressive total. Midwest has games left against the Gangsters and the Northern Spies. With five wins, they have to win both of those games to have a chance. They got off to a good start – Rod Bironas posted 21 points on Turkey Day.

This week’s ranking…

1. Dangerous Minds – They are #1 until they actually lose a game. In Rice Bowl II, John started off beautifully with 33 points from Kurt Warner and Lendale (whine and ye shall prosper) White. Mike got 34 from Marion Barber, Nick Folk and Larry Fitzgerald, who was the beneficiary of several Anquan Boldin drops in the end zone.

2. Northboro – The 91 points last week were a league high. It may not matter – I picked the wrong dang week to play Tony and his Eagles.

3. Georgia Satellites – Starting to get his swerve on, and not a moment too soon. If Northboro and Georgia both lose this week, the head to head next week probably is for a playoff spot.

4. Midwest – They’ve been marvelous for a month, but last week’s loss to the Minds really hurt. They can still get in with two wins, and they are certainly playing well enough to get it done.

5. Rocky Brook – They have six wins, and that means a lot. They are ice cold right now – dead last in the league in scoring over the last month. Tom may have saved his season with a ballsy call on Thursday – he played Donnie McNabb despite watching him get benched last week against Baltimore. Twenty-two points later, Tom is sitting pretty.

6. Phight-in Camels – They look like the ‘72 Dolphins to me. Philly played an Arizona team that stared in wonder as Brian Westbrook ran all over the field and scored four touchdowns. The dagger, though, was the fourth quarter TD pass to Deshean Jackson – only his second of the year.

7. Garvey’s Gangsters – Rich scored 25 last week, which just ain’t gonna get it done. They’re in trouble against Midwest, who got 10 from TO and 21 from the aforementioned Baronas. A loss here, and Rich can call it a year.

8. Northern Spies – They’re tough now that they’re healthy, but they may have caught Rocky Brook on one of their big weeks. Eighteen from Romo falls short of McNabb’s total. Not a good start.

Jordan’s Power Rankings – Week 12

The Nelson has always been competitive – we have a gaggle of serious football fans each with forty plus years of goggle-eyed obsession with this amazing sport. Our league is shallow enough that you really can’t outwork the other owners. Frequently, like football itself, it all comes down to injuries and strange bounces.

But this year, we have taken the parity thing to a whole new level. Check out the Average Game Points so far this year:

Team AGP
Dangerous 63.91
Satellites 58.27
Northboro 57.45
Gangsters 57.27
Camels 56.55
Marauders 55.00
Rocky Brook 54.55
Spies 51.82

The difference between the #2 team and the #7 team is less than 4 points per week – an amazing statistic. I’ve been slicing and dicing numbers for two months, and I’ve come to this conclusion: after Dangerous Minds, we pretty much have a seven way tie for second place.

This week, though, everyone had better bring their A game. We have 5 teams at 5-6. If you lose this week, jumping back into the playoff picture is going to be almost impossible.

Here’s this week’s rankings…

1. Dangerous Minds – Now with a record of 10-1. They have averaged 53 points per game in the last five weeks, and are 5-0. Northboro has averaged 58.4 points per game in the time, and they are 1-4. Waiter, I’ll have what he’s having…

2. Midwest Marauders – I didn’t want to play them last week, and I’m glad I don’t have to play them again this year. They have finished #1 in the league in Game Points three weeks in a row.

3. Phight-in Camels – Since week 2, they have averaged 69 points in even weeks, and 43 points per week in odd weeks. This is an even week – bad news for the Northern Spies.

4. Northboro – Losers of 4 straight, but all the losses have been by less than 10 points. This is a good club, but it’s very difficult to win in this very competitive league without your #1 draft pick. This week, we play Rocky Brook, who is struggling. Will we be the Cure for All Ills once again?

5. Rocky Brook – They have the clearest view of the playoffs from their seat in second place, but in the last three weeks they are dead last in Game Points. Teams have been loading up the box on Tennessee to try and contain Chris Johnson, and they’ve had some success. The Jets are not a great defensive team. This may be a better week for the Oiler running game.

6. Garvey’s Gangsters – They have the best backfield in the league with Portis healthy, but the Clintonian is questionable and a game time decision. The Garv has struggled with rotten luck all year, but has put together consecutive 60 point weeks. He’s still a tough team to face when you need a win…and John really needs a win here.

7. Georgia Satellites – They won their first game in a month, and the closest game of the year against the Northern Spies. The Satellites need a win against a tough Gangster club here – and they didn’t exactly start of like a house afire with nine points from 3 positions on Thursday night.

8. Northern Spies – They are playing better, and they face Tony in a week where Westbrook is hurt and playing Baltimore. With games remaining against the Camels, Rocky Brook and Midwest, the Spies will have plenty of say about who makes the playoffs this year.

Jordan’s Power Rankings – Week 11

Tom and Mike have taken off over the hill, leaving the rest of us to work out the details on who gets the third and fourth playoff spots. There are six teams within two games of each other among the league’s also-rans. The last four weeks will be wild.

The big news this week comes from this month’s City of Winners – Chicago, Illinois. While Barack Obama is measuring the drapes – for real this time – Hugh McCaffrey is in the process of pulling off an almost impossible feat – making the playoffs after an 0-5 start. Earnest Graham might not go this Sunday, but Jonathan Stewart (vs. Detroit) and Mo Jones-Drew are ready to rock. LT and Matt Forte are cemented into the lineup at the top RB slots.

Tony Romo, whose injury has sent ripples of anguish all over this league, may be back for Dallas, meaning that Terrell Owens becomes scary again. Duane Bowe (against New Orleans) and Donnie Avery (against San Francisco) have nice matchups. This is not a team you want to play this week.

And what unfortunate couch jockey gets to match wits and lineups against this newly minted juggernaut? Why, that would be the Northboro Steroids, of course. Fresh from a fine Sunday when they got spanked by the league’s last place team on the strength of a 65-yard carom and scamper by Reggie Wayne, the Steroids have lost three straight since moving to 5-2 and losing Stephen Jackson in week 7.

The fantasy loss sent me to bed grumpy, but it was my wife’s spill on the stairs and subsequent broken ankle that really ruined my night. Surgery is in our future to tack the ankle back together again. Keep a good thought out there…

This week’s rankings…

1. Dangerous Minds – They’re still sort of backing their way into the playoffs, but they have won six in a row, which almost never happens in this league. Last week, Drew Brees (16) and Thomas Jones (25) went bonkers against Garvey. Mike’s idea of yard work is to put an empty barrel in the middle of his yard and let the wind blow all the leaves into it. Honestly, man, buy some lottery tickets or something. They’ve lost one game so far, to the…

2. Rocky Brook Oilers –The Greasers slipped and went splat against Tony’s Camels last week, but they are sitting pretty with 6 wins and full compliment of weapons available for their second matchup with the first place Commish. Santana Moss was missed last week, but he’s back to face Dallas. Steve Smith got erased by Oakland’s Nnamdi Asomugha, who might be the best cornerback in football right now. This week, a rather pissed off Smith faces the ladies in Detroit. Mike will need to score like a 9-1 team to win this week.

3. Phight-in Camels – Tony won last week against an excellent Rocky Brook club despite getting only 2 points from Brian Westbrook. Peyton Manning is now sixth in the league in points scored among quarterbacks after a slow start. The star of this club, though, is Anquan Boldin, who leads all wide receivers with 89 points. Northboro’s Calvin Johnson is second with 72 points.

4. Midwest Marauders – As mentioned earlier, you don’t want to play this club right now. The one ray of light for Northboro is that LT is facing the Steelers in Pittsburgh – not a favorable matchup to say the least. Matt Forte is the sleeper pick of the year.

5. Northboro – The ‘Roids picked up Larry Johnson from waivers this week. This might not make much of a difference to other clubs, but Northboro has been sucking wind at the RB3 slot all season. If SJax is healthy, this could be a team to watch at the end – there is certainly nothing wrong with their receivers, and Cutler has been special all year.

6. Georgia Satellites – John’s had no luck whatsoever since Reggie Bush got hurt. He is now leading the league in Points Against – clubs have scored 661 points in 10 weeks against the Space Shots. By contract, Mike has ‘allowed’ only 496 points. Defense wins championships.

7. Garvey’s Gangsters – They sit here because they have had atrocious luck all season. Despite being second in the league in Game Points (595), they keep inventing methods of losing. Last week, they were victimized by the bye – Portis sat down, and it turns out he’s hurt anyway. This is what happens to teams when the Minds come to town. Oh – if Rich had tied the game at 63, Rich would have lost on bench points 24-23.

8. Northern Spies – They showed some spunk and some depth in beating up on the luckless Steroids. They had five players on their bench score at least nine points. This week, Romo may be back, and the Spies will try to extend John’s losing streak to 6.

Jordan’s Power Rankings – Week 10

This week’s edition of who’s Hot and who’s Not.

1. Rock Brook Oilers (Hot) – They keep getting better. They’ve score 55 points or better four straight weeks, and they have perhaps the two best running backs in football –Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson - anchoring their attack. Tom is thinking on his feet, too. It looks like he’s playing Delhomme against Oakland this week over Donny McNabb against the Giants. Delhomme to Steve Smith is a dagger for Tony this week.

2. Dangerous Minds (Hot) – Mike’s drops out of the #1 slot because he’s been doing it with mirrors the last three weeks – he’s 7th in the league in Game Points over that period. But five straight wins is five straight wins, man. This week, almost half his team is on the bye, including Marion Barber. Hightower got a full time gig just in time. It’s been that kind of year.

3. Georgia Satellites (Not) – I keep waiting for John to drop in the ratings, but after 4 straight losses he’s still clinging to third. He’s still second in the league in Game Points, and his team hasn’t played badly in the last three weeks – he scored 68 in week 7 and 73 in week 8 and came up empty. The champ is doing this without Reggie Bush, who won’t be back until week 11.

4. Phight-in Camels (Not) – Tony is in the dead center of the league in almost every category. He rises and falls with the fortunes of his beloved Eagles. Last week, the Eagles scored two TDs and four field goals. Akers went nuts – 16 points – but Westbrook and Deshean Jackson came up empty. This week, they play red hot Rocky Brook.

5. Northboro Steroids (Not) – Last week, a 77-yard Brandon Marshall touchdown from Jay Cutler was called back on a ticky-tac penalty, costing me the game against Garvey. Jackson’s injury, which he described as ‘nothing’ will keep him out for the third straight week this week. If I make the playoffs, I’ll be a handful because the matchups are beautiful. IF I make the playoffs.

6. Garvey’s Gangsters (Hot) – They finally are getting some traction, having won 2 straight to vault back into the playoff chase. Unfortunately, this week they’re playing Mike, which by definition means that they have to sit their best player – Portis is on the bye. They have Gore, Slaton and Brandon Jacobs, though. This is a dangerous club.

7. Midwest Marauders (Hot) – Hugh has caught a tail wind, and Tomlinson is now back and healthy. The second half of the season has to be better than the first half. This week, Mo Drew is running against spineless Detroit, and LT is matched up against the Pop Warner team in Kansas City.

8. Northern Spies (Not) – Our prayers are with Rich and his family this week, as Rich’s mother is very ill. The club is just not performing on any level. They are playing Northboro, though, and Stephen Jackson is out again.