Jordan's 2009 Power Rankings - Week 7

Oh, The Horror

I am writing this column surrounded by kids in Halloween costumes, who are setting the stage for teenage obesity by consuming massive amounts of sugar at an EMC holiday event. I highly approve of Halloween – it instills in the young two pillars of modern life – terror and bad eating habits.

I got a head start on both this week when I was munching Peanut Butter Cups (purchased a little too early) while watching Monday Night Football and checking out this week’s matchup with the Dangerous Minds. Suddenly I realized that I would be playing this week without my best running back, my best kicker, or my best wide receiver – Ocho, Gostkowski and Ced Ben. Then, Mike trades for Calvin Johnson. If Johnson is healthy, he’s playing St. Louis. Mike is aiming for triple figures this week. He owes me a pasting after dropping a 1 point decision to me week 1.

We are halfway through already – it’s difficult to believe how fast the season is flying by. John, Mike and Tom are on life support, but five other clubs are battling for 4 playoff spots. Hugh and I are set up to run into the playoffs if we can get to 8 wins. Anything less than that is a roll of the dice this season.

This week’s rankings…

1. Fight-in Camels – Everyone in New England is on their knees praying for the Phillies right now, and a few of those blessings are spilling over to the Camels, who continue to lead the league in Game Points (448). That’s 64 points a week – a very impressive season-long performance. Last week’s close loss to the resurgent Dangerous Minds notwithstanding, this continues to be a team to be reckoned with. Miles Austin has come out of nowhere to contribute big.
2. Northboro Steroids – This is hell week for the Steroids – we’re giving Mike an inadvertent walkover because of bye weeks. But the Steroids are finished with bye week issues after week 8, and have proven tough customers when running at full strength, as reflected in their .612 Relative Won-Lost Percentage. Matt Schaub has been spectacular for the Steroids – only Mr. Thomas Brady has put up more points at quarterback.
3. Midwest Marauders – In these pass-happy days, it’s good to have top-notch receivers. So how happy is the 5-2 Chicago Mob to be packing the #1 (Reggie Wayne) and #3 (Andre Johnson) wideouts in the league? Hugh can also point at himself as a primary driver of his own success. He has posted 10 whiffs in seven weeks so far – they are squeezing value out of every position on the roster.
4. Garvey’s Gangsters – Rich is the King of the Bench Points – his club racked up 148 points last week including 83 off the bench. In fact, Rich’s Game Point Percentage (Game Points divided by Total Points) is .508 – last in the league. All that aside, The Garv has a boatload of talent including Laurence Tynes of the Giants, who is the #1 kicker in the league at the moment. An importance matchup with the Northern Spies is on tap for this week.
5. Dangerous Minds – Mike is pulling out all the stops – even pulling off a trade for Calvin Johnson this week – in an attempt to make a late playoff run. He needs to win this week’s matchup against Northboro – who is coming to dinner without their dentures. Mike’s Game Point Percentage (.707) is far and away the best mark in the league, so he is managing at a Bellicheckian level so far this year. This is the scariest club in the league, despite their record.
6. Northern Spies – The club that has been winning ugly all season lost ugly last week. The Spies are seventh in Game Points, fifth in Total Points and seventh in relative won-lost percentage. If they win this week’s matchup with Garvey, they’ll also be well on their way to a playoff berth.
7. Georgia Satellites – John suffered his usual travails against Northboro last week, losing to them for the fifth straight time going back to 2007. They have cleared 80 points twice in the last month, however, so the seven time champ could give the imposing Camels a run this week.
8. Rocky Brook – Last week was a better week for Tom’s luckless Oilers, as they put up 60 points for the first time since week 2. They’ll take another shot at it with Midwest this week.
   

Jordan's 2009 Power Rankings - Week 6

Losing so Good

Mike and I shared a common fate last week – we had the best week of our respective seasons, and we got slapped by a club having an even better week. Sometimes, the stars are aligned against you and your fate is written before the opening kickoff.

I was in the uncomfortable position of watching Tom Brady lead the Patriots to a 59-0 victory against suddenly hapless Tennessee, while scorching the Steroids for 31 points. The 92 points in a losing effort is the league record going back to 2007.

Mike was the happy beneficiary of Brady’s record-breaking day, as Randy Moss posted 24 points. Unfortunately for the Big Guy, Brady had plenty to spare for Wes Welker, who scored 19 for John. So Mike and I scored 172 points between us last week, and had only a tick in the loss column to show for it. It’s like getting a King-deuce in acey-deucy…and Lord Knows I’ve been there.

A couple of years ago, Hugh McCaffery wrote the book on overachieving in losing efforts. He played a donnybrook with Northboro week 2, losing 94-84. As an encore, Northboro and Midwest went to the tie breaker in week 9, with Northboro winning an 89-89 standoff on bench points. So Hugh put 173 points on Northboro during 2007 and came up empty. I got my payback that year when I rolled into the playoffs with a 10-4 team and laid down a large steaming turd in my first round playoff matchup with the Girls. In Fantasy Football, we are all Fortune’s Fool.

This week’s rankings…

1. Fight-in Camels – It took six weeks to eliminate the guesswork and tab one team as the unquestioned Team to Beat in 2009. Last week, the Lotierzo juggernaut rolled over a game Northboro squad and is now numero uno in virtually every statistical category. The most impressive part of last week’s win was the fact that Tony’s Eagles had little to do with it – Brady, MJD and Hines Ward were spectacular. Tony is also managing his ass off – he has posted only 10 whiffs in 6 weeks. This week's matchup against Mike’s Dangerous Minds should be a classic.
2. Northboro – A great week went to waste against Tony, but the Steroids are well positioned for a playoff run. The team’s playing great, health is ok, and there is some depth to defend against injuries. The Steroids look to get back on the beam against the suddenly hot Georgia Satellites.
3. Midwest Marauders – The Marauders snuck out of town with a win against Garvey last week. They are third in the league in Total Points, second in Relative Won-Lost Percentage, and they have posted only 9 whiffs in six week, which is outstanding. Midwest has a tough task this week against the Northern Spies – they are playing without Chris Johnson and Brandon Marshall, so Duane Bowe and Marshawn Lynch will see the starting lineup.
4. Northern Spies – On the other hand, Adrian Petersen is lining up against the Pittsburgh run defense this week, so the Spies are not enjoying an easy week against the Marauders, either. The posted lineup has three tight ends – Shockey, Dallas Clark and Antonio Gates. Becky and Linda would be lovin’ it.
5. Dangerous Minds – They’re last in the league at 1-5, but they are second in the league in Total Points and third in Relative Won-Lost Percentage. I do not get paid enough to figure out where to put a team like this. They play the top-ranked Camels in a must win for the Minds.
6. Garvey’s Gangsters – It was nice while it lasted. Rich went to the McGahee well once too often, and watched Ray Rice take Willis’ job away. To be fair to Rich, however, he was hit with several key players on the bye last week, including Peyton Manning. No such reprieve for Rocky Brook this week- Manning is facing Our Lady of Mercy – AKA the St. Louis Rams.
7. Georgia Satellites – They claw their way out of last place in the rankings with an 85 point effort against Mike. John heads into the matchup with Northboro without Ray Rice, who has been white hot. Matt Ryan is starting to heat up. Ronnie Brown is the #4 running back in the league in scoring right now.
8. Rocky Brook – Nothing is going right for Tom since Gore went down week 2. They have 4 guys on their entire roster with position rankings less than 20 – and two of those are Brees and Joe Flacco. They will try to snap their 4 game skid against Mr. Garvey.
   

Jordan's 2009 Power Rankings - Week 5

The Art of the Whiff

Last week, I was looking around for a receiver with Greg Jennings on the bye. I came across Chris Cooley – a solid player with nice upside – lying around on the waiver wire. Cooley had had two 8 catch games in the first two weeks, and had scored 2 touchdowns. Cooley is Jason Campbell’s binky – every time Jason gets in trouble he hucks it in Cooley’s direction.

But not last week. Last week, Cooley had zero catches for the first time since 2004. Can I pick them or what?

This colossal testament to my complete incompetence as a fantasy manager led me to investigate the whiff – which is defined as polishing up a good player with a nice matchup and having him do just about nuthin’. I looked over the last 5 weeks for players who scored 2 points or less. How we stack up so far:

Gangsters 14, Satellites 14, Northboro 11, Dangerous Minds 11, Rocky Brook 10, Spies 10, Camels 9, Marauders 7

Not all stats are meaningful, and I’m not quite sure what all this means. Mike had three whiffs last week – all from his receivers – and still racked up 76 points. The two teams leading the league in whiffs are second and eighth in this week’s rankings. We’ll track this stat for the rest of the year to see if there’s a relationship between avoiding whiffs and winning fantasy football games.

This week’s rankings…

1. Midwest Marauders – They are first in Game Points, averaging 65 points per week. They’re also first in relative won-lost percentage (.643). This is a dangerous, balanced club with three terrific receivers in Marshall, Wayne, and Andre Johnson. Nate Burleson, who is tied for second in the NFL in Targets, cannot break the starting lineup.
2. Garvey’s Gangsters – I owe Garv a word of thanks for breaking my streak of 4 straight weeks of picking a team #1 and having that club suck the pipe the following week. The win against the Satellites was not exactly impressive – the two teams recorded seven whiffs between them. Still, the Gangsters have won 3 straight, and they are leading the league in total points. Garv better oil up his A game this week – they’re playing Midwest.
3. Phite-in Camels – Tony is second in total points and third in relative won-lost percentage (.514). He’s had only 9 whiffs in the first five weeks, which means that 77.5% of the players he’s played have scored 3 point or more – a fine performance. This week, Philly plays the pathetic Raiders and Tom Brady is practicing throwing the bomb against Tennessee.
4. Northboro – They are sitting in first place at 4-1, but they are seventh in the league in Game Points at just over 50 points a game. Northboro continues to benefit from Cincinnati’s fast start, and has two exceptionally strong quarterbacks in Rivers and Schaub. They have also been exceptionally healthy so far. This week, they play a club that has traditionally given them a tough time – the Phite-in Camels.
5. Dangerous Minds – They have been riding their running backs, but that’s about to change. Braylon Edwards got traded to the Jets and he looked like a new player in his first game. If Edwards starts to score regularly, the Minds are going to explode. The question is how much their very slow 1-4 start is going to matter. They are second in the league in Game Points, and second in relative won-lost percentage (.571).
6. Northern Spies - Their 3-2 record gets buried by some anemic scoring statistics. They are sixth in total points, fifth in Game Points, and next to last in relative won-lost percentage. This week, with Calvin Johnson questionable, Dallas Clark on the bye, and Terrell Owens comatose in Buffalo, the receiving corps is a mess. Luckily, the Spies are playing a struggling Rocky Brook outfit. This one could be ugly.
7. Rocky Brook – Tom has lost three straight since Frank Gore went down. Gore is on the bye this week and seems to be progressing in his comeback – he’s listed as questionable on the web site. Some good news – Drew Brees is back from his bye last week. Some bad news – they’re playing the man-eating Giants this week.
8. Georgia Satellites – John locks up with the Brother-in-Law in Rice Bowl I – a “collision” of two 1-4 teams. John has both Ronnie Brown and Marion Barber on the bye, and Mike has tasty matchups all over the board. Tough year so far for the seven-time champ.

Jordan's 2009 Power Rankings - Week 4

Last week, the ground was leveled in the Nelson League. Bottom feeders Georgia and Dangerous Minds picked up much-needed victories. Tony’s top-seeded Camels got slapped by Rich Garvey’s Gangsters, and the undefeated Spies popped the cork for the 1972 Dolphins by losing their first game of the season.

The league is so even this year that the records almost mean nothing at all. Wins and losses are factored into the ratings, but the underlying analysis suggests that the best teams in this league are not leading in the standings. This week’s rankings…

1. Garvey’s Gangsters – They have never been in the #1 spot in the rankings before, but they are this week’s Team You Don’t Want to Play. They are second in Game Points (239), first in total points (460), and first in Relative Won/Lost Percentage (.571). They have been dominant in the last two weeks, with Peyton Manning and Willis McGahee leading the way. This week, they try to keep the momentum going against Georgia.
2. Midwest Marauders – They lost a brutal heartbreaker to Northboro last week, but they are first in Game Points (245) after 4 weeks. The strength of the team is in its receiving corps – Brandon Marshall looks like he’s ready to contribute as he did for the Northboro Steroids last year. Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne have been terrific.
3. Northern Spies – They are 3-1, and are second in the league in total points (393). They head to week 5 with a pile of guys on the bye, but they have solid replacements at QB (Rothlisberger vs. Detroit) and kicker (Kris Brown against Arizona). Problems are showing up at running back – Lendale White has scored 9 points in 4 weeks and Pierre Thomas is on the bye. Watch Calvin Johnson this week – Pittsburgh is struggling without Polomalu.
4. Northboro – They are 3-1, but they have scored a puny 201 Game Points through 4 weeks – last in the league. They are leading the league in luck, though. Northboro's three wins came by a total of 7 points. The Steroids get everyone back this week, and they face a struggling Rocky Brook club whose top scorer is on the bye.
5. Phite-in Camels – Tony’s fortunes tend to fluctuate with the Eagles’ performance. Westbrook is probable this week and faces a wimpy Tampa Bay run defense. MoJo Drew has been a stud. Deshean Jackson has emerged as one of the most dangerous receivers in football.
6. Dangerous Minds – It’s starting to come together, but the names are not the ones Mike expected to be playing. Pierre Garcon and Glen Coffee were not heavily-discussed on draft day – I never heard of either of them until two weeks ago. Mike is improvising, and dividends are starting to tumble in.
7. Rocky Brook – They have been really scraping ever since Frank Gore went down. They have scored 63 points over the last two weeks. They look to get back on the horse against the Steroids.
8. Georgia Satellites – They resurrected their season by crushing the undefeated Northern Spies, 80 – 53. They may have caught the wave on both Rashard Mendenhall and Mike Sims-Walker, who combined for 37 points last week. This week, they tee it up against the #1 team in our rankings – the gunning Gangsters. This could be a beauty.
   

Jordan's 2009 Power Rankings - Week 3

Pity the fool who tries to piece together cogent and insightful analysis of the 2009 Nelson League. Last week, Rocky Brook rose to the top of heap on the strength of a great week 2 performance from Frank Gore. In week 3, Gore got two carries – one for 4 yards and one from his teammates to the locker room to treat a leg injury. The rest of the Oilers went to the showers in spirit – they scored 34 points and got slammed by the Camels.

Meanwhile, third seed Northboro managed to leave 60 points on the bench while losing to the undefeated Spies, and the bottom-seeded Garvey Gangsters had a great weekend, thumping the luckless Dangerous Minds.

So, the last are first and the first are last, as St. Luke reminds us, and we get to stir the early-season pot while heading into the first bye week. This week’s ranking…

1. Fight-in Camels – They were first in these rankings two weeks ago, took a one week hiatus, then leapt back on top with a dominant win over Tom. Tony sticks with what he knows – he even picked up former Eagle Correll Bucklhaulter on waivers last week. But it was MoJo Drew’s 24 points that delivered the winning right cross for Tony last week. Also notable was the 64 point performance by the bench – the Camels now lead the league in total points (322) through the first three weeks.
2. Midwest Marauders – Statistically, they are dead even with Tony. They lead the league in Game Points with 202, and also first in Relative Won/Lost Percentage at .619. (Relative Won-Lost is calculated as if each team played every other team in the league every week. So, if you score more than every other club in a given week, you go 7-0. If you score the second most points, you go 6-1, and so on. So far, the Marauders are a nifty 13-8 on the year.)
3. Northern Spies – The Denver Broncos of the Nelson. So far, their opponent have scored 37, 49, and 33 points. No apologies for this are expected from the Spies front office, who went 0-5 to start last year. They head to Georgia a perfect 3-0 on the year.
4. Rocky Brook – Gore is out for the next month, and Stephen Jackson has yet to find pay dirt for the Oilers. Drew Brees is leading the league in scoring (52), and Vincent Jackson is quickly turning into an elite wide receiver. With Elam on the bye, Tom may need to pick up a kicker this week.
5. Northboro – It all fell apart when Arizona laid an egg against a ferocious Indianapolis pass rush. I had that game completely wrong on every level, and it cost me big. Also expensive were two touchdown passes that grazed the finger tips of Chad OchoCinquo, and Phillip Rivers’ inability to throw a touchdown pass. (He did run for one.) Northboro is healthy so far, but they have five players on the bye, including DeAngelo Williams.
6. Garvey’s Gangsters – They won big last week and are starting to pull things together after a slow start. Peyton Manning and Willis McGahee have been spectacular so far. This week, they play a hot Camels squad that is playing without their Eagles.
7. Dangerous Minds – This club is waaaaay too good to be here, but they’re next to last in the league in total points – that does not bode well heading into the bye weeks. This week, they are playing without Michael Turner (bye) and Felix Jones (PCL strain). They try to get off the snide against explosive Rocky Brook.
8. Georgia Satellites– It would be difficult to imagine a worse start. They are last in Game Points, last in Total Points, and last in Relative Won/Lost Percentage (5-16, .238). This week, they play the league’s only undefeated team, but they have some juicy matchups with Forte against the Detroit and Ray Rice against New England.