Jordan’s 2010 Power Rankings – Week 6

Nelson League Rivalries - Head to Head

Rich Garvey is on top of the Nelson League world. His stunning 1 point win over John Nelson’s space men in week 5 was the kind of game that can make or break a season. So far, this season has been an anomaly for our league. Three teams are at 4-1 or better. The Dangerous Minds are suddenly leading the league in points scored. The other four teams are 4-16.

This is not the usual pattern with the Nelson. Last year, six clubs won between 6 and 8 games. In 2008, six teams won either 6 or 7 games. In 2007, five teams won between 6 and 8 games. So parity has been the rule in the Nelson over the last few years.

The big intra-family rivalry game, 2010 Rice Bowl I is on tap for this week. Over the last three seasons, John has a 4-2 advantage in Rice Bowls. This week, while we glance at each club, we’ll take a look at other rivalries in the Nelson based on the results over the last three years, plus the first five weeks of this year. Who owns who in the Nelson? Let’s take a look:

1. Garvey’s Gangsters – Rich has two one-point squeakers and a Novena-heavy Monday night win against Tony over the last three weeks. It’s not been pretty, but the Father of the Bride is 5-0, and not issuing apologies as of this writing, thank you for asking. He is doing this despite playing Mario Manningham week in and week out. Manningham is the #39 receiver in our league in points scored, and hasn’t scored a point in weeks. Is this guy a good luck charm?
   
   Richard Garvey owns Tony. He is 7-1 against Tony since 2007. He is 2-5 against Bob and Mike in that period.
   
   
2. Northboro Steroids – We held our breath every time the Jets entered the Red Zone Monday, as Braylon Edwards was one TD away from handing me my second loss of the season. A few passes were batted away at the last minute by Viking defenders. All my lost sleep could have been avoided if Tennessee had not had guys instructed to fall over at the 1 yard line to set up Chris Johnson for easy scores. The guy is well worth that #1 pick. It also would have been an easier weekend if Tom had not pulled Robbie Gould (14 points) out of his south end to kick for him. Terrell Owens had another nice week, and Brandon Lloyd is now here to improve the receiving corps.
   
   The close win against Tom pushed the Steroids to 4-1 on the year. They are second in the league in points, and managed to finish second in the league in points in week 5 despite Arian Foster laying an egg against the Giants, and both Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark getting stoned in Denver.
   
   I’ve had tremendous luck against Tom since he entered the league – I am 5-1 against him including the glorious win in the 2008 Nelson Bowl championship game. But I’ve really exceeded myself against John Nelson, against whom I am 6-0. I face John next week.
   
   Northboro is matched up against their Bete Noir – Tony’s Phight-in Camels – in week 6. The line says that we’re a 37 point favorite against the hump-meister, but you can forget all that. Tony has spanked me more times than a crazed nun at reform school over the last three years. Last year, I scored 92 against him in week 6, only to have him splooge for 101 and the win – his highest point total in a game ever. In week 13, he beat me 62-61, taking a dagger to my playoff hopes. I am 2-5 against Tony and Mike since 2007.
   
   
3. Dangerous Minds – All systems go. Mike laid 98 points on poor Hugh, burying him deep under an avalanche of early points. As if the current group isn’t productive enough, Mike is sitting on Malcolm Floyd, who put up 200+ yards and a score last week. This could be the league’s best club, but with two early losses, they’ll have to claw their way past the top two teams to get there.
   
   Mike has good records against many teams in the league, owing largely to his decadent 12-2 regular season record in 2008. He is 5-2 against Northboro, Garvey and Rich Deslauriers since 2007. The toughest matchup for Mike has been John, against whom he is 2-4. There’s blood in the water this week as a banged-up Minds team lines up for Rice Bowl I.
   
   
4. Georgia Satellites – John was dropped from the ranks of the unbeated last week, but is still comfortably positioned to coast into the playoffs. He gets a break this week because of Mike’s injuries – there are two game time decisions pending for the Minds, plus Aaron Rogers’ concussion to deal with. John is the only team in the league with a winning record against Mike since 2007. However, when Mr. Nelson is really looking to abuse someone, he seeks out Richard Deslauriers, against whom he is a merciless 7-1 over the last four seasons. On the flip side, John has not beaten Northboro in three years (0-6).
   
   
5. Rocky Brook – Tom lost a close one to Northboro last week, as Braylon Edwards was triple covered by the Vikings corner back, a safety, and Mother Nature, who dumped rain in buckets on the Jets – Vikes game. Tom made two great plays last week with Robbie Gould and the Giants Steve Smith combining for 24 points. This week, Tom faces the Northern Spies, who are fresh off their first win of the year.
   
   Tom has only been in the league since 2008, so the sample size is smaller. He gives Hugh fits (4-1) but has struggled against Northboro (1-5).
   
   
6. Fight-in Camels – Last week, Matt Schaub ran into a ferocious Giants defense, and Adrian Peterson ran head first into the Jets. The matchups this week will be better, particularly their matchup with Northboro, against whom Tony is 5-2 over the last three years. But Tony’s big fun comes by torturing John (6-1). He wakes up screaming when the Riches Garvey (1-7) and Deslauriers (1-6) come to town. Tony’s only win against The Garv was in last year’s playoffs.
   
   
7. Northern Spies – Rich finally caught a tail wind against Tony, and heads into the second half of the season a little more dangerous than his record would indicate. This week, Larry Fitzgerald sits down against Rocky Brook, and Rich is rolling against the Home Team by playing Derrick Mason against New England.
   
   Rich is another club that beats on Tony regularly (6-1). The guy he can’t stomach is John Nelson (1-7).
   
   
8. Midwest Marauders – Last year, everything broke right for this club. This year has been every bit as brutal as last year was glorious. Last week, Hugh scored a respectable 55 point, but he lost by 40 to the Minds. At halftime of the 1:00 games, Mike was up by 30, and it got worse from there.
   
   Hugh has Ben Rothlisberger back from suspension. Assuming the Pittsburgh Satyr doesn’t gets distracted and start chasing the cheerleaders during timeouts, he should be bolted into High’s lineup for the rest of the year. The bad news is that Cedrick Benson is on the bye, and Benjarvis Green-Ellis will be wearing his Ray Lewis costume this week.
   
   Since Hugh entered the league, Hugh has had good success against Tony (5 wins, including last year’s Super Bowl) and Rich Deslauriers (4 wins). He has lost 4 of 5 to Tom.