Jordan’s Power Rankings – week 8

There are times when humility does not come easily. At such times, the Nelson frequently metes out its harshest lessons.

In 1998, there were two fantasy football gold mines – two guys who stepped out of the shadows after draft day and delivered monster value for sixteen glorious weeks. One of them was Jamaal Anderson, a punishing tail back in the Michael Turner mode, who ran 410 times for 1864 yards and 14 touchdowns. He had 27 catches and 2 more scores receiving that year – a season workload so brutal it basically ended his career as an effective back. The other hot fantasy commodity was Randy Moss, a rookie wide receiver who got his shot when teammate Jake Reed went down with an injury in week 2. He caught 69 balls for 1313 yards and 17 touchdowns. Having either one of these guys was a ticket to fantasy nirvana for most owners that year.

I owned them both. Moss was my 14th round pick that year. My team roared through the regular season, and I went into the playoffs confident that I would bring home my third league title in four years. Instead, I lost to John Nelson in the first round of the playoffs – one of the most painful defeats of my career.

The same scenario repeated itself nine years later. The 2007 Northboro Steroids ran up almost 1000 points during the regular season – 150 points more than the second place club that year. That team relied on solid QB play from Tony Romo and some explosive season-long performances from Terrell Owens and Randy Moss. This might have been the best team I ever had – and I got smacked by the Desperate Housewives by five points in the first round of the playoffs.

In 2008, the Commissioner experienced the same series of unfortunate events – a 12-2 team during the regular season caught newcomer Tom Crossen on the wrong week, and lost a shocker 83-55 in the playoff opener.

This week, I have had a week long conversation with my son about who should be ranked #1 in the Nelson. Two teams have an argument – ourselves and Rich Garvey. Mike made the arguments in favor of Northboro being ranked first – and there are a number of good ones. However…

1. Garvey’s Gangsters – Statistically, the Steroids have it going on, but Richard G is 6-1, and that’s the only stat that really matters in the Nelson at this point in the season. Add to that the fact that Rich holds the tie breaker on Northboro due to their week 2 win over us, and they hang on to the top spot for this week. Last week, Rich was the happy beneficiary of the Giants’ 41-33 Point-O-Rama over the pathetic Cowboys. Eli Manning, Ahmad Bradshaw and the oft-maligned Mario Manningham combined for 36 points. This week, the Jints are on the bye, so Rich will have to find a way to scratch by with Peyton Manning at quarterback. Garvey heads to Franklin to face the Northern Spies this week.
   
   
2. Northboro Steroids – Last week, I went up against John without my best running back, and had to hire Price-Waterhouse to add up the results after Darren McFadden went nuclear for 33. I did not check this, but I believe that is a league record for points in a game by one player. The really scary part is that I would have won the game even if McFadden posted a whiff.
   
   Humility aside, these guys are good. Northboro heads into the second half of the year leading the league in points. The ‘Roids are averaging 70 points per game. Their average margin of victory is 27 points. They are five deep at running back. Even the kicker is having a great year – Rod Bironas is now leading all kickers in points for 2010.
   
   However, to quote the great philosopher Tommy Lee Jones, all that means exactly dick. Last year, we were 6-2 and missed the playoffs. This year, we start the second half by playing the terrifying Dangerous Minds. Let’s hope Phillip Rivers finds someone other than Antonio Gates to throw to.
   
   
3. Dangerous Minds – Mike’s minions are one point behind Northboro for the league lead in points. They have hit the jackpot with Giants wideout Hakeem Nicks, who is now second in the league in points from the WR/TE position – teammate Antonio Gates is first. The questions are all at running back, and the Dangerous One is staring right at you, Donald Brown. Brown is coming back from an ankle and is questionable this week. He’ll play, but how the mix with Mike Hart works on Monday night could determine the winner this week.
   
   
4. Georgia Satellites – John is 5-2 and should sail into the playoffs this season, despite the whuppin’ last week. Ray Rice takes a seat as John faces off with Tony’s Eagle-free Camels in week 8. The Space-master is leaving Beanie Wells (vs Tampa) and Percy Harvin (vs New England) on the bench this week in favor of Knowshon Moreno and Hines Ward. I think Harvin, in particular, is going to be a very tough matchup for the Pats this week, but with Brett Favre playing on one leg, it may be best to avoid Minnesota altogether.
   
   
5. Midwest Marauders – Of all the teams in the second division, this is the one you do not want to play right now. They’re a little banged up – Zach Miller and Pierre Garcon are both questionable – but they’ve won two straight and they are getting plenty of production from Ben Rothlisberger. The Steel City hound dawg has logged 31 points since his most recent hiatus ended. Hugh faces Rocky Brook without Roddy White, who is on the bye this week.
   
   
6. Tony’s Fight-in Camels – Scheduling eccentricities being what they are, Tony only gets to play Northboro twice a year. This is bad news for the hump-meister, because he’s 1-5 against the rest of the league so far. This week, Tony is in the unaccustomed position of playing fantasy football without his Philadelphia Eagles, which for this guy is like marching down main street without pants.
   
   The lineup looks good, though. Matt Schaub is facing off against Indianapolis in a game that should be a track meet. Santana Moss is facing the Lions secondary which is about as coordinated as the Keystone Cops. Tony made a terrific discovery in Buffalo wideout Steve Johnson, who has been spectacular the last few weeks. He faces the Georgia Satellites.
   
   
7. Rocky Brook – They have their moments. Tom made several excellent calls last week against Garvey, such as playing Thomas Jones (12 points) against hapless Jacksonville. Unfortunately, Kenny Britt (29 points), Dez Bryant (20 points) and Matt Ryan (19 points) sat on the bench. It is surprising to note that Matt Ryan (82 points) is outscoring Tom Brady (69 points) so far this season. The Pats’ more diverse passing game, which relies on shorter routes and spreads the ball around a lot more than last year’s edition, is harder for NFL defenses to scheme against, but is not doing Fantasy owners a lot of good.
   
   
8. Northern Spies – They have a disaster a week. Last week, their QB went down for the count as Tony Romo will spend the rest of the season nursing a broken clavicle. It is amazing that the underachieving Cowboys have not canned the clueless Wade Phillips yet. Phillips must have pictures of Jerry Jones cavorting with the cheerleaders or something, because you can easily build an argument that he is the worst head coach in the NFL. Carson Palmer will take over for Romo as the Spies try to pick up the shattered remains of their season against Garvey this week.